


One Small Idea

by TrickedThem



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, post season eight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/922943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickedThem/pseuds/TrickedThem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sam makes a deal to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Small Idea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itallstartedwithdefenestration](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itallstartedwithdefenestration/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Paradise, Lost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/922745) by [itallstartedwithdefenestration](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itallstartedwithdefenestration/pseuds/itallstartedwithdefenestration). 



The last five years went in a whirlwind of fast decisions and not time for regrets and, now even since Metatron closed the pearly gates and Sam has nothing but time on his hands. He began to think of what happened and what could have happened. Of numerous what ifs. What if Sam said no to Ruby? Listened to Dean? Tried harder? Closed the gates of hell and redeemed himself?

The thoughts fester inside him and start to eat him out from the inside. Dean notice but he doesn't say anything hoping Sam would deal with it on his own, that and he is busy dealing with a newly turned human Castiel who spends his time staring at a wall, twitching and reaching for wings that aren't there anymore. Then one day Lucifer shows up and as much as Dean hates to admit it, he can finally relax and let Lucifer patch things together.

From the moment Lucifer laid eyed on him he knows. He doesn't need the connection between them to notice the bags under his eyes, the oily hair and the scruff. He knows Sam better than Sam knows himself and he can connect the dots even now. But Lucifer doesn't say anything, he lets Sam teach him about being human and drag him off to the nearest Starbucks for his first dinner—a slice of pumpkin cake, to start off small and easy, and a tall white-chocolate mocha.* He waits for Sam to talk to him and when he doesn't, he confronts him.

"You blame yourself for everything—for the fall of the angels, for how long I was trapped in the Cage.* Yes, you put things into motion but that would have happened even without you interference." Lucifer stops to take a breath before continuing, "My brothers were working for the apocalypse, you starting it just spared them extra work." Sam nods and walks away from Lucifer.

Unable to handle anymore Sam summons Metatron and makes a deal.

It startes out small. Dean forgetting what was Sam's favourite story when he was young. Castiel unable to remember what Sam told him in their first meeting. Lucifer thinking of the first time Sam showed interest and coming up blank. As they forgot, Sam forgot the same memories. His memory was like a straight line filled with small holes along the way. But then more holes were created. Then another and another till the holes made a breach.

When anyone asks him about something they forgot, Sam shrugs and tells them he can't remember either. Later he smiles in the comfort of his room.

Sam knew what he was doing though; his deal with Metatron is finely tuned. It doesn't make everyone forget about Sam, rather for every memory anyone forgets about Sam, Sam forgets it in return. But then he needed to tweak the deal because of people like Dean, whose life are tightly entwined with Sam's that it would mean he will forgot his life, the hunts, the monsters. So Sam made it so he will be removed from it and the details will be altered.

He will remember killing Ruby after she kills Lilith and breaks the final seal. His father carrying him out of the house the night Mary died. Even Chuck books, they would be about a man out for vengeance, not two lost boys searching for a purpose. That is not all, Sam wrote out everything himself. He rewrote everyone's stories and gave them to Metatron.

Then he packed his things and ran away the moment the effects started showing. He made sure to kiss Lucifer and try to ignore the sad smile he was given. He visited Dean before skipping town, when Dean opened the door and asks him what he wants.  Sam says nothing, wrong address and walks away relieved.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Three months after everything was done and the spell hold on everyone is secure, Sam is still running. He doesn't really know why, only that he must continue running away, never looking back. Some nights Sam tries to think back on his life to find a reason why he runs, ganks the random monster or ghost, building a reputation as the restless hunter but he finds nothing. He can remember his life, and nothing helps.

One day when he was in Ilchester, Maryland a blond man with sad blue eyes comes to his hotel room.

Sam doesn't run away again.

**Author's Note:**

> *Quotes from Paradise, Lost by itallstartedwithdefenestration.
> 
> I am the anon.


End file.
